Dear Birdie,

My name is Erin and I stumbled upon your shoppe earlier this afternoon. I’d like very much to order your pieces— one in each size, shape and color. I can’t pay you much, but if you’d like, I could be your personal assistant for the year. You know, do that stuff around the house that everyone hates to do— vacuuming the drapes, changing the air fresheners, dusting your paperclips.

I’m quite skilled in administrative duties and will gladly call the plumber when necessary. Or the cable guy. No one likes the cable guy.

If you have children, I can do that, too. I’m a bona fide diaper-changer with a knack for food to mouth coordination. I’m a shoe-in.

Let me know, Birdie. In the meantime, I’ll be seeing you right here.

Love,
Erin

p.s. I live in Los Angeles, but would gladly relocate to London at no extra cost to you.

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